The number of followers. The amount of likes. How many views. The tally of total cases. The odds of it happening.
In a world increasingly obsessed with numbers, it can become easy to forget that behind every one of those is a person. Since the COVID-19 pandemic began, we have all been watching numbers more closely. We are waiting for the death toll to start decreasing, for the curve to flatten, all the while still checking our social media accounts relentlessly to stay connected. Maybe, so we can keep feeling seen, and heard.
May is Foster Care Awareness Month. It isn’t the kind of awareness month that has sports teams donning pink accessories or celebrities participating in modern-day telethons. It’s the kind that is felt most deeply by those of us in the weeds of advocacy work and those that this system has impacted personally. Maybe, it’s the numbers. Over half a million children move through our nation’s foster care system in any given year due to abuse and neglect, a number that appears small in comparison to the number of children who battle life-threatening diseases every year, or the number of children who are living in poverty. But any number in these categories is too many. Though, like most things in our society, it seems that the numbers are what get our attention.
But my hope is that this month we won’t talk much about numbers when it comes to foster care. Instead, I hope we will focus on the individual, brave, resilient and inspiring humans who have been impacted by the chaos and disorder of the child welfare system.
I hope we will ask questions. I hope we will seek out the stories of those that have lived through some of the worst trauma imaginable and came out thriving. We can learn so much from them. They have so much to offer us, this world and themselves. They need to know that.
These extraordinary humans have a resiliency I can’t describe. They keep me fighting every single day to get more people to pay attention to foster care. I got my first glimpse 15 years ago when my husband and I decided to become foster parents with the hopes of adopting a child. Growing up in the suburbs, neither of us had known much about foster care and didn’t really consider it something we needed to know or should care to know until we started to educate ourselves on just how much turmoil the system was in. Children are often separated from siblings, sometimes placed in homes not much better than the ones they left, and move schools so often that their educational disruptions have lasting effects. They are often left feeling like they don’t matter; unseen and unwanted. The trauma that the system inflicts on a child’s psyche is one that cannot easily be healed. But, the beautiful thing is, it can be. But we all need to be a part of that.
My husband and I wanted to be a small part of making a difference. Foster parents, kinship care providers, case workers, social workers, mentors, teachers; all of us make up the network that becomes a substitute family for these children who find their worlds upended due to no fault of their own. But at 18 or 21, depending on the state they live in, many of these young people find that most of these supports dry up when they “age out” of the system set up to raise them.
There are far too many stories of children who end up feeling forgotten, and many don’t have happy endings. After all, fighting is hard work and living life always forging uphill can be exhausting, disheartening and lonely.
This is why I started One Simple Wish. I don’t want people to think about half a million kids in foster care. I want them to think about one. I truly believe we can do so much when we channel our energy this way. Numbers can be overwhelming and they can also be misleading. The size of a problem isn’t always about the number of people it impacts, but the devastation it causes to those it does. Establishing true connection and making real change has always been about our ability to see each other, one to one, as human beings with purpose and value.
This month our team at One Simple Wish is asking all our supporters, both longtime and brand new, to come together to tell our kids they are seen, they are heard and they are loved. We have been working on compiling videos, photos and messages of encouragement to share with every single human who has ever been touched by the foster care system; whether they are 4, 14 or 40. This video will also serve as a reminder to these brave souls that we are here for them as a resource, no matter how old they get. We want to help them find joy, pursue their passions and fulfill their dreams.
At a time when we are all being asked to give a lot to causes, I’m asking you to consider giving your voice instead. It costs nothing to speak up for someone who may be longing to hear that you care.
To participate in our LovedBy video, visit onesimplewish.org/lovedby
For more about One Simple Wish, granting wishes, and the amazing humans we speak up for, visit onesimplewish.org.